When They Hurt, When They Disturb, and How to Handle Them
A few months ago, I posted a reel on social media discussing the impact of lies—how some hurt deeply while others disturb our peace. Lies are an unfortunate part of human interactions, and while some seem minor, others leave lasting scars. But what makes people lie? How should we react to deception? And when is it time to say, "Enough—I can’t endure more lies"?
Let’s explore these questions to gain clarity on navigating dishonesty in our relationships and lives.
What makes people lie?
Lies come in many forms, and people lie for different reasons. Some common motivations include:
Fear – Many lie to avoid consequences, whether personal, professional, or emotional.
Insecurity – Some fabricate stories or exaggerate to appear more successful, interesting, or worthy.
Manipulation – Deception can be a tool for control, allowing someone to gain an advantage over another.
Avoiding Conflict – Some lies are told to "keep the peace," preventing arguments or hurting someone’s feelings.
Habit – For some, lying becomes second nature, a conditioned response even when unnecessary.
While some of these reasons may seem understandable, the impact of lies varies depending on the nature of the deception.
Lies That Hurt vs. Lies That Disturb
Not all lies affect us the same way. Some cut deep, while others leave us feeling unsettled or confused.
Lies That Hurt These are the ones that break trust, shake our foundations, and leave emotional wounds. Examples include:
Betrayal in a relationship (infidelity, hiding major life decisions)
Deception from a close friend or family member
False accusations or damaging rumors
Lies that make us question our self-worth
These lies impact our emotional security and trust in others, sometimes permanently altering relationships.
Lies That DisturbThese may not necessarily break us, but they create discomfort and unease, making us question reality. Examples include:
Exaggerations that make someone seem untrustworthy
Small, consistent deceptions that create doubt
Lies that manipulate our emotions, making us question ourselves
Half-truths that obscure reality rather than outright falsehoods
Disturbing lies make it hard to trust fully, but they don’t always result in heartbreak. However, over time, they can build up, eroding confidence in the person telling them.
How Should We React to Lies?
When faced with dishonesty, our response matters. Here are some strategies to handle lies effectively:
Pause Before Reacting – Instead of responding with immediate anger or disappointment, take a deep breath and assess the situation. What was the intention behind the lie? Was it malicious, or was it told out of fear or insecurity?
Confront with Clarity – If the lie is significant, address it directly. Use “I” statements instead of accusations:
“You always lie to me!” say: “I feel hurt because I trusted what you said, and now I’m questioning that trust.”
Observe Patterns – A single lie might be forgivable, but repeated dishonesty signals a deeper issue. Is this a one-time mistake, or a habit?
Set Boundaries – If someone repeatedly lies to you, it’s important to set clear boundaries. Let them know that honesty is a non-negotiable value for you.
Decide If It’s Worth Fighting For – Some relationships can survive dishonesty with effort and accountability. Others require us to walk away for our own well-being.
When Do We Say ‘Enough’?
No one can tell you when to say "ENOUGH". It is you who decides when you feel it is unacceptable and want to put an end to those lies.
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